Worthington, Ohio

Worthington, Ohio

A northern, white, educated, middle-aged mother, living the American Dream 

A cookie-cutter lifestyle

What every little girl dreams of

Married to a top executive, college educated, liberal

Married to the workingman

Married to the American man

Married to her prince

Married to her high school sweetheart

Always working out

Always

Relieving her hidden stress

That no one sees

Because she is perfect

            She’s running around the lake

                        Biking through the woods

                                    Pushing a stroller

                                                Or walking

                                                            Walking slowly, taking in everything she sees

Walking

Walking down the safe streets

Walking past the long-standing stores

Walking past the ice cream parlors, candy stores, barber shops, and pizza parlors  

Walking past the white picket fences in front of the historically distinctive houses, all in a row

Walking back home

Walking in safety

Hearing dogs barking, children laughing, the marching band practicing

Smelling fresh cut grass and steaks on the grill

A lack of diversity

Working everyday

Cleaning

Cooking

Mothering

She waits for her children

            Soccer Practice

            Piano lessons

            Homework

            Time For friends

            Never a minute late or a hair out of place

Stepping over the piles of shoes in the entry hall

Holding a baby on her hip

While running a vacuum cleaner

Playtime is over

Dinner Time

            Bath Time

            Story Time

            Bed Time

Where is her high school sweetheart?

Where is her top executive, college educated, liberal?

Her workingman

Her American man

Her prince

Her husband

Dinners getting cold

Is he golfing… at the pub with his buddies…or cheating again

She waits

Calls her friends

Time for a Wine Night

           

                                    Wine Night

 Wine Night with her friends are common

            Same Friends

                        White Friends

                                    Gossip

                                                Wine

                                                            More Wine

                                                                        Read to page 105

                                                                        While she drowns her sorrows in wine

Crying

Still Waiting

Finally goes to bed

Hears the tires at 3 am

Rolls over

Ignores it

Wakes up early

Lunches packed

Coffee on the pot

Kids off to school

Takes the dog for a walk

Walk

Walk

Run

Walk

Wait… Wait… Wait… The yellow bus finally arrives

It’s always the same

The same everyday

            Everyday

                        Everyday

Nothing changes

Till her children have all grown

Her pride and joy are gone

Nothing changes

Till it’s all gone

Gone  

Gone

Gone

This is a representation of a normal “stereotypical” women who lives in my community, Worthington Ohio. I live in a historic small town. I tried to represent my town in the views of other people, not the views of people who personally live there.

Camera Eye

The Dance

Two girls during a summers night    playing ball and telling secrets   one more than

            the other       best friends tell each other everything sometimes more than

            the other       best friends

keeping secrets     going out    beating    passing out     lost    independent   

                                                            every girl for herself

helping each other with homework and playing pranks on the teachers, we thought we were bad and no one knew how close best friends were or not how close neither knew   two halfs make a whole   she needed help but no one knew   secrets come in many forms secrets do not even know themselves

searching   trapped   some type of love   bushes   bottles of different kinds   trash    the kind that gets

              gave up on   

secrets have been shared  help is being asked for  can only help when it’s really wanted and worked for   scared of rejection scared of life scared of being the best friend who lost a friend  best friends is unconditional love unconditional

addiction babies secrets beyond measure searching to find self love happiness         love self 

           before the love of others       wanting something so bad    no means of getting there   progress

changes being made   hard times are tough   tougher without a best friend    these secrets were not her   this life was not her     best friend seemed to be unknown hidden away for the time being   unconditional love

She’s a soldier in a war but in a pink flower dress

If there’s one thing that can change my world

It’s that sweet smile of that little girl

Always light at the end of the tunnel no matter how long it may seem  always a rainbow after a storm and sun after a long dark light  bad things have happened but that is not what defines  how the situation was handled defined a relationship 

            laying in room talking about good secrets goes to bathroom emerges a bad secret  night ends early lay in bed best friends forever sheading a tear

            laying in bed talking of old times will laugh and cry until die we die past will be the past and remain a bad secret but from every bad secret     forward

forward it went and two girls during a summer came home      pig tails and juice boxes grown up out of love  good secrets came bad was tucked away

no more secrets for the best friends   unconditional love   faith   dependence   relationship closer bodies farther apart   maid of honor  smiles   hope for the future  trust in future trust in best friend       truly a best friend now and forever    the dance goes on

This camera eye is about my best friend and my relationship through out the time we’ve known each other. Neither of us thought we’d still be best friends after all this time. It tells the story of how secrets played a role in our lives and how best friends will always be no matter what happens.

                        

Competition

standing in the back     standing still     standing

head down     legs crossed     eyes closed     fists clenched     hot wind blowing against my stomach     breathing hard     a haze of hairspray     ready to go     waiting behind a wall of a thick stained red velvet curtain     a sea of bows

standing beside my comrades all in red and black    heart pounding and people screaming music blaring and a diminutive man grey hair black suit front and center microphone in hand announcing through static what to do and hearing my call through the echo

knowing its time     breathe     breathe     breathe     don’t forget to breathe

walking along side teammates all dressed the same     true friends     bright lights     sparkles     blue floor beneath my polished white shoes    fixed smiles

jumping up and down while trying not to tremble     so I stop     remaining still until the deafening music starts

it’s time     breathe

going through what has been done one hundred times before     it’s body memory going from place to place

following the glare of white shoes because they seem to know exactly what to do and I stand by three others and jump into the security of their hands and go into the air hitting my marks like always and coming down     safe     breathe                   

running cross the floor alternating between my rough hands meeting the vast blue mat and my white shoes touching it

must keep going knowing exactly what to do from here     breathe     positioned front and center and dancing to the eight count of the music     one two three four five six seven eight   body moving confidently    

 one two three four five six seven eight

loud noise ends and all fall to the fibrous floor     arms wrapped around me hugging me patting me     the sweet sweet sound of thunderous applause

rushing back through the slightly tattered velvet curtains passing the microphone man     breathe     

nerves settled     breathe    

satisfied     breathe

well done     breathe

there is nothing left to do our work is over we stand victorious      fusion     breathe

My Camera Eye represented my thoughts and feelings before competition in my first Cheerleading Nationals. This Cheerleading Nationals took place in Florida. I had a mixed emotions running through my head before, after, and during my performance, and I tried to portray that through my Camera Eye.

End of the Day Struggle

Screaming to the sound of the theme. Fighting the urge to turn it up.

Bouncing up and down in the lap of a knight in shining armor.

Feeling goose bumps run up the leg like worker ants. At the twist of the hair set in an unbreakable trance. “Hands up, police” locking up the first criminal. Continued by the popping of fried chicken, the smell of baked potatoes, and the sound of metal on metal scraping.

“You sank my battleship” sinking my destroyer. Screaming at the loss of the game. Screaming, screaming, after screaming. Stuck in a trance.

Depression hits at any distraction. Depression remains in the disturbance of the trance.

“You have the right to remain silent. If you do say anything, what you say can be used against you in a court of law.” You are innocent until proven guilty. Whiskers comb tangled locks as we move onward.Dinner is ready is the depression at hand. Screaming, Screaming, silence.

“Bless...our...And…our...gifts…we...About…revieve…our…hands…though…Christ…Lord... Amen”

The world stops and depression remains. Yearning for relief as depression deepens.Sputtering out the words that strip a human from their childhood. Carpet burning to paradise of the closing prison cell bars. Finally trance.

 

A moment so perfect, that the twin towers could fall, bombs could be dropped, nothing could not ruin that perfected moment. Except a wet rough tongue on the cheek.

 

The comforting whispers in the background from both a male and female voice, the clanking of pots and pans. “Hands up, Police” The sound of two bickering boys. “You are charged with the possession of 2 grams of cocaine” The light smell of chicken, smashed potatoes, and green beans cause the thumping of two feet to the ground.

Depression is reborn at bath time. Fighting, fighting, and more fighting. Until the battle has won.

 

 

 

Looser sleeps with depression.

This camera eye begins with me as a little girl who would sit with her dad at night to watch the show COPS between daycare and dinner. At the beginning in just happy to be with my dad but as the story progresses I become more independent as I watch TV alone after dinner. Then with the final loss of the night is bath time which meant when I was a kid that TV time was over. I decided to highlight a typically night when I was a child because as you get older life doesn't get this simple anymore.

One Fine Day

sitting on the bed trying to set up a video call with…

everything is fine.

trying not to wake up the roommate. Months have passed since you have seen her in person and and still trying to figure out what to say. Like a conversation ever goes as planned. call goes through and have connection.

Hi.

Hey.

the time spent here has changed how others might see, and it shows with the expressions being displayed.

still sitting. laughing. uncertain how things will be once he gets back home, whenever that may be.

everything is fine.

Did you hear that?

it’s an everyday thing here now and it was a little nerve-racking a first but then begin begin to get used to hearing it because it happens so often. sometimes once, twice, this time…..too many.

        everything is fine.

I heard those. 

the roommate awakes. still sitting, but this time it gets louder and louder as it inches closer. yells from outside means that something is not right so…

I’ll be back.

runs towards the bunker as instructed to do if this were to happen. standing under a bunker as debris hits the roof. hands shaking, palms sweaty, head bobbing, heart racing.

  everything will be fine. everything will be fine.

The the ringing and the whistles and the noise from the impacts  stop stop and now there is silence    it’s calming to the ears and it can be relaxing at times like these    waiting outside under the bunker asking if there will be any more    it ends    for now.

everything will be fine.

Did you hear all of that?

Yes…

Sorry to put you through that.

Are you ok?

never having this feeling before, the words weren’t getting any easier to say so the conversation had to come to an end.

everything is fine.

sitting on the bed again and realizing that it was because he died days prior to this act of terrorism. it was expected but it was not knowing when…that was the issue. prepared and trained for this. acting and pretending it will happen is different than it actually happening.

everything is fine.

a day off was meant for relaxation and rest but today didn’t start that way. now it was more of preparing and bracing for another attack if any were to happen again. sometimes once, twice, this time…too many. 

everything is fine.

This Camera Eye tells the story of when I was under a heavy mortar attack while deployed in Iraq three years ago. It was a couple days after Osama Bin Laden was killed. I was on a video call with my friend and she sat through the whole attack. Few people were hurt and no one died.

You Have No Objectivity

Perhaps the most ambitious and widely admired American actor of his generation

Playing diverse and idiosyncratic characters

Rarely was given a chance to play the lead role

Received numerous accolades and awards

"You are the most subjective person in the room"

Was known for a sometimes painful dedication to his craft

He had suffered from drug and alcohol abuse

"Anything I could get my hands on. I liked it all"

Relapsed more than 20 years later

Hoffman was found dead

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Seymour_Hoffman

Blog Post 2: Newsreel

It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

ARMED YOUTHS KILL

 UP TO 23 IN 4-HOUR SIEGE AT HIGH SCHOOL

murdering many people,

typically simultaneously or over a relatively

short period of time.

GUNMAN TURNS 'BATMAN' SCREENING INTO REAL-LIFE 'HORROR FILM'

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

an act of a human killing another human

 

MASS SHOOTING AT CONNECTICUT ELEMENTRY SCHOOL

I'm coming undone

Irate

I'm coming undone

Too late

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate

Wait

I'm starting to suffocate

And soon I anticipate

I'm coming undone